B�R CEZAEV�NDE, TECR�TTEK� ADAMIN
MEKTUPLARI

1

Senin ad�n�
kol saat�m�n kay���na t�rna��mla kaz�d�m.
Malum ya, bulundu�um yerde
ne sap� sedefli bir �ak� var,
(bizlere �l�t�-kat�a verilmez),
            ne de ba�� bulutlarda bir ��nar.
Belki avluda bir a�a� bulunur ama
g�ky�z�n� ba��m�n �st�nde g�rmek
                                                   bana yasak...
Buras� benden ba�ka ka� insan�n evidir?
Bilmiyorum.
Ben bir ba��ma onlardan uza��m,
hep birlikte onlar benden uzak.
Bana kendimden ba�kas�yla konu�mak
                                                                yasak.
Ben de kendi kendimle konu�uyorum.
Fakat �ok can s�k�c� buldu�umdan sohbetimi
                                            �ark� s�yl�yorum kar�c���m.
Hem, ne dersin,
o berbat, ayars�z sesim
                      �yle bir dokunuyor ki i�ime
                                                      y�re�im par�alan�yor.
Ve t�pk� o eski
        ac�kl� hik�yelerdeki
yalnayak, karl� yollara d��m��, yetim bir �ocuk gibi bu y�rek,
mavi g�zleri �slak
k�rm�z�, k���c�k burnunu �ekerek
                senin ba�r�na sokulmak istiyor.
Y�z�m� k�zartm�yor benim
              onun bu an
                              b�yle zay�f
                                       b�yle hodbin
                                                 b�yle sadece insan
                                                                                olu�u.

Belki bu h�lin
fizyolojik, psikolojik fil�n izah� vard�r.
Belki de sebep buna
                     bana aylard�r
                     kendi sesimden ba�ka insan sesi duyurmayan
                                                                bu demirli pencere
                                                                     bu toprak testi
                                                                          bu d�rt duvard�r...

Saat be�, kar�c���m.
D��arda susuzlu�u
                               acayip f�s�lt�s�
                                            toprak dam�
ve sonsuzlu�un ortas�nda k�m�ldanmadan duran
                                                         bir sakat ve s�ska at�yla,
yani, kederden ��ld�rtmak i�in i�erdeki adam�
d��arda b�t�n ustal���, b�t�n tak�m taklavat�yla
a�a�s�z bo�lu�a k�pk�z�l inmekte bir bozk�r ak�am�.

Bug�n de apans�z gece olacakt�r.
Bir ���k dola�acak yan�nda sakat, s�ska at�n.
Ve �imdi kar��mda ha�in bir erkek �l�s� gibi yatan
                                                                 bu �mitsiz tabiat�n
a�a�s�z bo�lu�una bir anda y�ld�zlar dolacakt�r.
Yine o malum sonuna erdik demektir i�in,
yani bug�n de m�kellef bir da�ss�la i�in
yine her �ey yerli yerinde i�te, her �ey tamam.
Ben,
ben i�erdeki adam
yine mutad h�nerimi g�sterece�im
ve �ocukluk g�nlerimin ince saz�yla
suzin�k makam�ndan bir �ark� a�z�yla
yine bill�hi kahredecek dil-i n���d�m�
seni b�yle uzak,
seni dumanl�, e�ri bir aynadan seyreder gibi
                                                                kafam�n i�inde duymak...
 

2

D��arda bahar geldi kar�c���m, bahar.
D��arda, bozk�r�n �st�nde birdenbire
taze toprak kokusu, ku� sesleri ve saire...
D��arda bahar geldi kar�c���m, bahar,
d��arda bozk�r�n �st�nde p�r�lt�lar...
Ve i�erde art�k b�cekleriyle canlanan kerevet,
                                              suyu donmayan testi
ve sabahlar� �imentonun �st�nde g�ne�...
G�ne�,
art�k o her g�n ��le vaktine kadar,
bana yak�n, benden uzak,
s�nerek, ���ldayarak
                               y�r�r...
Ve g�n ikindiye d�ner, g�lgeler d��er duvarlara,
ba�lar tutu�maya demirli pencerenin cam� :
                                                     d��arda ak�am olur,
                                                     bulutsuz bir bahar ak�am�...
��te i�erde bahar�n en k�t� saat� budur as�l.
Velhas�l
o pul pul ���lt�l� derisi, ate�ten g�zleriyle
bilhassa baharda ram eder kendine i�erdeki adam�
                                                              h�rriyet denen ifrit...
Bu bittecr�be sabit, kar�c���m,
                                         bittecr�be sabit...

3

Bug�n pazar.
Bug�n beni ilk defa g�ne�e ��kard�lar.
Ve ben �mr�mde ilk defa g�ky�z�n�n bu kadar benden uzak
                                                  bu kadar mavi
                                                  bu kadar geni� oldu�una �a�arak
                                                  k�m�ldanmadan durdum.
Sonra sayg�yla topra�a oturdum,
dayad�m s�rt�m� duvara.
Bu anda ne d��mek dalgalara,
bu anda ne kavga, ne h�rriyet, ne kar�m.
Toprak, g�ne� ve ben...
Bahtiyar�m...

                                                                    1938

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